I say, old chap! I saw that prawn cocktail first!
Forgive me for dwelling upon my personal life for a moment.
I have just returned from getting the necessary vittles for Christmas lunch, which entailed dragging may car out of a snow-filled driveway in the dark and sallying forth over roads that the council has not seen fit to grit. I can only assume that they do not see fit to grit them, it cannot be that they have run out of grit again this year, can it? The picturesque market town in which I dwell was a shambolic confusion of cars, to a degree I have never seen before. The town centre car parks were all full, but despite the evident high levels of activity, the surfaces were entirely coated with either hard ice or an unpleasant, dirty and equally slippery slush. I managed to find a spot next to a heating vent, so that the surface was just an inch deep in filthy water, rather than dangerously slippery.
After carefully mincing and stumbling across the ice to the shops, I was greeted with what appeared to be a traditional medieval mêlée, the trusty steeds replaced with trolleys and the lance replaced with the stonebaked baguette. It was a curious mixture of violent siege and American football, with old ladies using their trolleys as battering rams while other members of the family or the staff “ran interference” to block you from getting out of their way. Every aisle was packed with a seething mass of people wrapped up for polar weather and shopping trolleys piled to a point that I was fully expecting a raid from the provisional wing of the HSE.
It was stressful, unpleasant, manic and infuriating. And this was in Waitrose, which is normally almost empty. Heaven only knows what the rest of town was like.
I am well and truly on my way to wishing one and all a miserable “Bah! Humbug!” and a lump of coal for the festive season.
TJW is an itinerant blogger who lives in East Angular. He grew up as a fascist, mellowed into a Tory and was converted to anarchism in his middle age by the Devil's Kitchen.
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All donations of lumps of coal this Xmas gratefully received…..smokeless of course!
I was lucky that I got out of my last job when I did, I worked in the town centre during the pre-Christmas build up which made popping out to get some lunch more involving than work itself; avoiding teenage mothers with pushchairs four abreast, old ladies on determined missions to find the best bargains and disinterested men whose rage was slowly boiling because they had been rammed or pushed just one time too many.
As the old saying goings; ‘All is fair in war and christmas shopping’
What is it with the UK at the moment – one drop of snow and the siege mentality sets in. It’s almost as if the general public think that if there is more snow they won’t be able to get about – maybe they’re right in that. Has no one heard of snow chains? This time of year I have a double set in my 4×4 just in case I need to go further up the mountains. In fact, when the ski season opens they become ‘obligatoire’ and you will be prevented from traveling any further if you don’t have them fitted.
Just zipped into town and parked up, just in time to see two cars racing for the same parking spot collide- the language from both drivers was distinctly unseasonal.
God Jul ! Wes Thu Hal !
Guthrum
“I can only assume that they do not see fit to grit them, it cannot be that they have run out of grit again this year, can it?”
Seen several gritting lorries round my way on my travels – all laden with grit – none bothering to drop any. Did breifly consider overtaking and swerving in front, to see if the sudden braking would cause some to topple over the sides…
“Every aisle was packed with a seething mass of people…”
Oddly, we set off at 7:30 this morning to pick up the turkey and fresh stuff, plus some shopping for our neighbour, and found Sainsbury pretty empty and no waiting for tills. I think it’ll get busier after 5:00 though.
So far, the only supermarket to bother with any gritting of their carpark at all is Asda, which gritted the entrance where Dial-A-Ride drop off, which makes the most sense, I suppose. All others were like skating rinks.
“What is it with the UK at the moment
I thought you were in Northern France, Anna? Does Waitrose have a presence there?
That piece was written by Thaddeus bleedin’ obvious!
I live in Southern France. We don’t have this caper over here.
The shops are open on Christmas morning, since no self respecting Frenchman would eat bread cooked the day before.
The Butcher cooks, and stuffs, your turkey for you. He asks what time you would like to eat, and arranges the cooking time to suit so that you collect a piping hot Turkey….
The Fishmonger will arrange a platter of fruit de Mer, on the day naturally – would you want to eat Bulot that were cooked the day before?
Everything returns to normal on ‘Boxing Day’, banks open, business as normal.
Employers are obliged to provide a free train ticket to your commune of birth once a year, and msot people use that at Christmas time to return to their families.
Christmas Cards, Crackers, and all the rest of that rubbish are virtually unknown here. Its just a family get together day after Mass at midnight on Christmas Eve.
New Years Day is somewhat different, when the French set off enough fireworks to start another revolution……our Dog spends most of New Years Eve hovering just below the ceiling in anticipation……
Been Christmas shopping this morning. Bugger all people about in the middle of town at 10 o’clock. I have never seen it like this before but I can’t for the life of me decide whether I’ve left it late or not.
The only shop that was a nightmare was Marks and Spencer, and at that it was only the food bit. Full of people who looked like they’ve never been shopping before and don’t know how to work a trolley hindered even more by not knowing where the food they want is. Took me ages to find the custard…
All I hear about is the cars and the roads. There is barely no mention of the pavements. Spare a passing thought to those who have to use them because they have no cars. As for next year, I wonder if any of the camp sites are open at that time south of Montelimar?
Demetrius,
The wonderful campsite at Aix-en-Thermes is certainly open all the year round, we often stay there. Just 40 minutes into Andorra, for all your duty free shopping, heated natural spas, and the most fabulous view of the Pyranees.
They have centrally heated chalets for hire too, if your camper van insulation is not up to the rigors of the Pyranees in winter which most English vans aren’t!!)
Anna
You are making me horribly homesick; what a disaster Britlife is when I’m homesick for France.
Anyway folks, they’re going to be gritting 1 road in 5 from now on – and giving the Police 25% less budget with which to arrest homophobics who put their dog-poo in the wrong recycling bin.
I am going to find it very hard to tell the difference.
YM x
Thanks for the clarification. I’m on the Costas myself. I may return to the old country around 2015, after the next civil war is over. Certainly can’t contemplate doing so given the shocking state it’s in right now!