You Couldn’t Make It Up
Dread news from the AP today, reporting from Gauhati in India, where the arms race has taken on a terrifying new twist.
Indian scientists have perfected a new type of gas grenade, which can paralyse an enemy with the much-feared “bhut jolokia” – the world’s hottest chili. Though it is officially a non-toxic weapon, it has the power to force soldiers out of hiding by making them choke on the fumes.
British Security forces, fearing a sudden uprising of terrorists armed with chilli powder, are currently checking the country’s 17,000 Indian restaurants, some of them posing as diners and eating up to five chilis a day.
Whereas a jalapeno pepper has about 8,0000 Scoville units – a measure of spiciness – the bhut jolokia possesses as much as a million. Two chilis of more than critical mass, when brought together, would be enough to make the Sun go nova.
Trials are in progress of an aerosol version, and Greater Manchester Police are believed to have already put in an order.
Meanwhile, French physicists are working on a neutralising agent, based upon the so far only rumoured super-garlic.
{ 34 comments }
Bring it on!
Anna, are you actually a lawyer? Am I in trouble?
http://tiomarvo.blogspot.com/2010/03/delusion.html
Shit.
I think someone’s just trying to curry favour with the Indians.
I wish I was a clever enough raita to come up with this sort of thing.
One of several:
http://www.sidespin.org/curry/rhapsody.html
Obnoxio – the raita one was rather good, so give yourself a pathia on the back..
Do I get no approval for starting this argie-bhaji, Gloria?
Of course you do Mr Thaddeus – you’re such a reliable chapati in that regard, sometimes your contributions are puree genius.
Thanks, Gloria … although I can’t think of any follow ups.
I’m in a bit of a pickle.
Ooh, that can’t be en-Thali true, can it?
I’m afraid it is. I’m doing this by roti, really.
Yes I know of this garlic trial, apparently it is necessary to eat copious amounts of it and then breath heavily into miscreants faces. However first trials of it have not been particularly successful in France as it has been found that all the French eat copious amounts of garlic and are therefore immune to it. The trials are being transferred to the UK as it is thought they will be a better study group.
I was going to bhaji in with my own offerings and spice things up a bit, but I bet you could see me cumin. You both seem to know your onions. Corrie and ‘er pals will be along soon. Then we can have a state of Korma.
All in all, I think this story’s been a bit of a bhuna to us, don’t you?
I’m feeling a bit dopiaza now, having only contributed the samos-samosa offerings you’d expect from me. I think I’ll passanda next round.
I wonder if Bugger (the Passanda) will join in anytime soon?
Tears on my Pilau – so clever it made me Karahi.
I think we’ve tikka-d all the boxes now!
I applaud the verbal tennis!
Aloo, Aloo, Aloo ! Wha
You’re quite the rogan, aren’t you Pericles!
Just bhaji-ing in to curry favour – did you see follow up tin roof comment?
Bhaji-ing in? You naan would be very disappointed, Mrs Rigby!
It’s nice to know our little chaats don’t aggravate everyone, isn’t it Mr Thaddeus?
Anyway,
“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date,
No time to say “Aloo, Gobi”,
I’m late, I’m late, I’m late….”
(I know I should apologise for this one, but sari seems to be the hardest word)
I’m starting to sag now.
I’m afraid the corners of your mouth prove that to be only too true Mr T. We must all expect a little sag with the passing of time. I haven’t been able to bhindi’n the middle for years now.
Had enough of this ; I
Madras, sheer madras.
Aloo!
Ghosht, aren’t you all good at this? I’m a little late joining – it Tikka while to catch up, and I’m not in-Thali confident I can keep up – the humour may begin to Sagh.
Would you like to hear Samosa? I Roti a few more down on post-it notes – shall I Poppadom on the table?
Don’t worry if you don’t read them – most of it is Cobra’s.
Anyone fancy some curried Lizard?
Korma Chameleon.
That was terrible, b(o)y George!
South American curry.
Llama Bhuna, and prawn Alpacas
I vote today’s winner is Constantly Furious for “shall I Poppadom on the table?”
One bottle of Bangla to the man with the scarlet face and the rictus grin.
My father, who served in India and adored the country, was of the mind that the Indians invented curry to get rid of the British, but we were so thick we went mad for it… mind you, he used to – very occasionally – cook a completely inedible lamb curry, indelible on account if it being so hot.
{ 1 trackback }