Educating children is a delicate affair, not for the feint hearted.
The Lord Mayor of Leicester did his best at a ‘Global Educational Summer Showcase for Schoolchildren’.
The decidedly ‘global’ Lord Mayor – he is currently trying to lose 3 stone – unintentionally gave them an unforgettable educational showcase.
In a statement, Colin Hall, 46, said:
“Whilst giving a vote of thanks, I suffered a problem with my trousers.
“Unfortunately, I had chosen not to wear a belt and the trousers came loose and fell.
“I would like to offer my deepest apologies to anyone who was offended by the accident.”
Come on then, bottle of wine for the best limerick!
SBML is the landlord of the Raccoon Arms. He lives North of Watford and has an eclictic range of interests from Science and Technology to Politics including Woodwork and Genealogy. His political viewpoint has evolved from being a student demonstrator to more liberal views and has now seen the light in Libertarianism.
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The Lord Mayor, in municipal regalia,
Suffered an embarrassing wardrobe failure,
His loose trousers slipped down,
In front of the young of the town,
Revealing his knees, inter alia.
The venerable Lord Mayor of Leicester
Came across as a bit “Charlie Chester”
His trousers came down
Showing his mayoral crown
So he covered it with his sou’wester
Last bit isn’t true necessarily, but artistic licence has been taken…
There was a man from Leicester,
Who could have been a molester.
His trousers came down,
The kids thought what a clown
Now he’s the Mayoral Jester
We’re off to a flying start I see…….
I doubt if the Lord Mayor’s wife’ll
Keep insisting he cuts out the trifle:
She’d prefer he stays ‘global’
If it means he shows ‘no ball’
And saves the mixed-infants an eyeful.
hahahahahahahahaha, cracker
The municipal leader of Leicester
Had a reputation from kids whom he’d pester,
Down slipped his trousers
But did nowt to arouse us,
Hall’s balls were beginning to fester.
ohahahaha!
By christ you should have seen us
Kids staring at the Mayor
The Lord Mayor thought himself wise as Nestor
But was really a bit of a jester ;
Despite all his brags
He stood there with his bags
‘Coun Hall recently hit the headlines after choosing to stop the tradition of saying prayers before full council meetings, and choosing not to attend a civic service at the city’s cathedral.’
“In our meetings”, said Councillor Hall
“There is no place for prayer at all”.
“Is that so?” said the Lord,
“Well I won’t be ignored!”
As he caused the man’s trousers to fall.
A large Lord Mayor Called Hall,
Was insufficiently tall,
When he arose,
His pants went to his toes,
And opened The Municipal Ball
Or, alternatively:
Children’s libraries are wonderful places,
All those happy and smiling young faces,
But poor Lord Mayor Hall
Was not happy at all -
From now on he’ll wear two belts and braces.
The quality is superb – it might cost me a bottle of wine each time, but I reckon we should have more limerick competitions!
Keep ‘em coming.
I agree with both suggestions!
Whilst performing his duties de facto
The Mayor was caught flagrante delicto
The kids thought him crackers
When he flashed them his knackers
And stood there airing them alfresco
There once was a Lord Mayor called Colin
Who had trouble keeping one ball in
He said “I’ve no doubt
I should let them both out”
So he did. And that’s what’s appallin’.
When asked to explain why and when
The Mayor showed his pants to chil-dren,
He said he’d aired his balls
In many grand halls
But he’d try not to do it again.
“I agree it was morally wrong
To address Leicester’s youth in my thong,
But I think, to be fair,
My front-bits weren’t bare,
And my trousers weren’t down very long.”
(and I’m not after the wine – after all, I don’t drink, smoke or tell lies – I just can’t seem to stop now until Mr Smudd logs on to e-bay for the night…)
The venue was Southfields li-brary
Where the kids saw the mayor was quite hairy
With no belt at all
His trousers did fall
So the sight was both shocking & scary.
“Fresh air is vital, you know”,
said the Mayor at the kid’s Summer Show,
“So please do not frown
As I stand pants down
But something is starting to grow.”
Even tho’ I have I had a long hard day, I’m laughing. Well done one and all!
Gildas the Monk
The wonderful Lord Mayor of Leicester
Was a bit of a show-off and jeicester;
In front of some kids
He took down his skids
And grabbed his wife’s tits to moleicester.
I cannot let this rumour fester!
I never would young children pester!
I just wanted my show
I’ve got ‘get up and go’
To my missus – you know, just to test ‘er.
If your limerick isn’t a dud
And your rhyming is terribly gud
Then you might win some wine
But don’t waste your time
For you haven’t a chance ‘gainst the Smudd
Fnarr
We all of us rightly detest a
Fellow who shows us his vest: a
Boxer or Brief
Should be hid underneath.
Not so in the City of Leicester!
The Lord Mayor’s speech was a failure
And he blushed a deep shade of azalea
As a voice said, ‘Please Miss,
Can you tell us if this
Is what’s meant by Mayoral regalia?’
While the Mayor did his best to explain
The kids shouted
The Mayor said “This sort of limerick
seems to poke fun at my balls and dick.
It’s a glorious day
when they’re out on display.
Do you think I’ll end up in the nick?
We’d all do well to remember
That shame burns hot as an ember,
And despite his mishap
Col’s a wonderful chap
And a fine, upstanding member.
of local government.
But who is to blame,
For this crying shame?
I’ll give you one guess,
No more or no less.
The McCanns have been at it again.
Mrs Racoon please adjudicate
And apprise us all of our fate.
Which bit of twattle
Deserves just one bottle
And which one merits a crate?
This is worse than judging the ‘best Victoria Sponge’ at the Women’s Institute.
You just know that you are going to make 33 enemies in judging one to be best……..
By popular aclaim of Mr G, Thaddeus and myself, we have all voted for Macheath @ 9 and 11 – Macheath if you would like to e-mail annaraccoon@gmail.com and give me an address, plus whether you would like our excellent local red or equally excellent local white, I shall oblige…….
I will defintiely do this again – the quality has been superb.
I’d like to congratulate Macheath on a well-deserved win! His one about no prayers made my daughter laugh out loud (or LOL as she would put it) and since she has a finely-tuned sense of humour (or SOH as the lonely-hearts ads would abbreviate it) I think she’s right.
Normal Smudd service may or may not resume after the barbeque (BBQ) weather has broken: never has a family of hippos cracked as many snaggled teeth on charred chipolatas and yet still found plenty to smile about!
Chin-chin!
P
Well, excellent work all around and congratulations to Macheath. I can foresee this event
Thank you – I suppose this counts as a professional debut (always a good thing for an aspiring writer – if not quite how I’d like it to be remembered by posterity).
It’s been a most entertaining business all round and great fun to be part of it; if the creative powers of this blog’s readers were collectively harnessed, who knows what Anna could achieve?