I would dearly love to write fiction – but how can one compete with the truth? The media continue to churn out (reasonably) factual stories that I could not dream up with the help of a gallon of Absinthe…
With the Eurozone disintegrating, wars looming in all four corners of the world, the starving on every continent, and the polar bear population increasing – the Guardian today is promoting yet another ‘desperate situation’ for the rent-a-protester to attend.
The feministas are congregating in Marylebone demanding ‘Hands off our Muffs’. No really, I know the idea had never crossed your mind, but just in case, you are being warned off.
It seems that some women are daft enough, and rich enough, to engage Harley street surgeons to practice ‘vaginal rejuvenation, designer vaginoplasty, G spot amplification and revirgination’ in a desperate attempt to acquire the perfect vagina.
Quite what comprises the perfect vagina, other than ‘ready, willing and able’, is not explained.
This of course, couldn’t possibly be an example of free will on their part; it is yet another example of women being forced into subjugation by nasty men and thus must be marched against, demonstrated against, campaigned against, by the feminista Muffia. It is being compared to the genital mutilation forced on young girls by some religious practices. *sighs*.
Surely you have overheard a man in the pub telling his wife on his mobile phone, she had better have her designer vaginoplasty by the time he gets home, or else?
Activists will be wearing ‘fake muffs’ and demanding that cosmetic surgeons ‘keep their hands off our muffs’.
We don’t buy the neoliberal rhetoric that insists this issue is not political because women “freely choose” to get procedures like this done. The cosmetic surgery industry ruthlessly stokes women’s appearance insecurities and mines their bodies to extract maximum profits. Accountability, monitoring, and auditing are not words this industry is used to.
We hope our Muff March will spark a wave of activism against cosmetic surgery and the porn culture which distorts our body image. For too long they’ve reaped massive rewards. It’s time to fight back.
Will we see #occupymuffs trending on Twitter tonight?
SBML is the landlord of the Raccoon Arms. He lives North of Watford and has an eclictic range of interests from Science and Technology to Politics including Woodwork and Genealogy. His political viewpoint has evolved from being a student demonstrator to more liberal views and has now seen the light in Libertarianism.
{ 40 comments }
How times have changed since families gathered in front of the TV to watch “Muffin The Mule”.
I believe you’ll find that muffin’ the mule was made illegal under the Sexual Offences Act (’69).
Having recently acquired OAP status there’s no pressure from me to pretty up a pudendum. Keep the bloody thing covered up I say.
Miss Mockett writes “So on Saturday we’ll be challenging the demand from pornography that grown women remove their pubic hair ….”
What a sexist statement.
Is she blind to the fact *pornographers* also demand grown men remove pubic hair? [Or so a mate who's seen some of their movies informs me.]
Pornographers also demand more hair for the niche markets. [Or so I'm informed]
This in no way can be blamed on men. Never in the history of shagging talk have I heard a man say he refused a Muff due to shape, symmetrical appearance or whether it is an “innie” or “outie”
We are really not the connoisseurs of cunnie that women seem to imagine. We are usually just pleased to be invited to the field of play.
This is about womens self image, created by womens insecurities by womens magazines being rejected and protested by the usual bearded ladies of the left.
It is not the shape of the fanny that matters to men when they steer clear of the hairy marxist monsters of the guardian but the fact they are man hating commies who fail to smile, wash & make an effort to attract a mate.
We are really not the connoisseurs of cunnie that women seem to imagine. We are usually just pleased to be invited to the field of play.
lol! So true, brother, so true…
True indeed.
I recall one occasional partner who was always concerned to ‘prepare the ground’ before any encounter and was equally concerned that I recognised her pride in both its structure and appearance. As if I gave a shit at that moment…… !
Just a load of cupid stunts
Oh FFS – can’t these weirdos find real causes for concern if they really must ease their privileged middle class consciences?
Oh, but darling, the Sudan is just sooo last year!
Nice!
Not even sure if Sudan (as far as the Guardianista crowd is concerned) was even last year, let alone the year before, or the year before that …
But how do you keep your hands warm if you can’t use your muff?
This has to be some sort of conspiracy by the glove manufacturing industry.
Do you recall the lady handed an ASBO for excessively noisy copulation ?
Perhaps she had had “G-spot amplification”.
Get some Viagra too : use a combi-amp.
ΠΞ
(Yes, I know : it’s not supposed to make it bigger … Thank you.)
Pub quiz question, “Where do women mostly have curly hair?”
Apparently the correct answer was not what you thought, but Africa.
“Hands off our muffs” sounds like “I’m happy to pay more taxes.” There’s a “you” missing, as in “Hands off your muff” or “I’m happy for you to pay more taxes.”
Are they all going to carry signs reading ‘Occupy’?
If I remember correctly, we toasted, buttered and ate our muffins by the fireside, while mum looked on.
Perverts!
The young ladies in the picture seem to have developed a new garment to keep their {deleted} warm in the December chill. I can’t see it becoming fashionable, though.
One wonders if they have used natural fur, or risked the static electricity side-effects of nylon, which would add a whole new dimension to the phrase “Makes your hair stand on end”.
Natural fur? You can almost guarantee they are vegan…
One hopes that no Raccoons were harmed in the making of this protest.
I believe the Beaver population was depilated, but the Raccoons escaped unscathed…
Actually beaver tail is naturally bald, beware raccoons.
Are you sure this is natural, or has the beaver suffered a close shave?
The girls in the picture remind me that a term to describe dyed blondes was “airport blondes”, an oblique reference to Blackbushe Airport near Camberley.
I thought ‘aeroplane blondes’ were so called because they all had a black box …
I suspect they are just ‘merkin about’?
Historical note – based on a Police career, followed by running a Newsagent shop.
In the not-so-distant-past it was totally forbidden to show ANY trace of pubic hair in printed publications in UK (check sp – OK!)
Then it became ‘acceptable’ – so long as magazines were only available to persons over 5′ 8″ tall (On the top shelf)
Then there was a ‘worrying trend’ for depilation. Why ‘worrying? – because paedophiles would then be tempted to look at obviously mature ladies and fantasise (Won’t anyone think of the KIDDIES – oh yes, they do?)
SO – how to establish that each ‘model’ was old enough to be ‘legal’? If there was any doubt – print a sequence of photos showing her skill with soap-suds & a razor
That’s what I like about this blog – it’s so educational.
However, for the ladies in the picture, may I venture to suggest that a razor may not be up to the challenge. Perhaps a Flymo might be more suitable?
Or an electric hedge trimmer.
When I saw the picture I thought they were “save the rainforest” protesters. It looks like they have the Matto Grosso just below their navels.
The lefties send out the wrong message again.
Seeing those ‘young ladies’ just reminded me of Sean Connery’s comment in “Diamonds are Forever”
‘I don’t mind – so long as the collars and cuffs match.’
This is simply a natural extension of liberalism. Your body is not yours, you are not competent to make decisions, therefore the liberal elite will cajole their friends in government to legislate to ban/compel/tax (delete as appropriate) it and make your decisions for you.
Well, I’m all for a generous welcome mat, but, really…
Why would porn showing shaven women lead to a stampede to Harley Street? Have Sainsbury’s stopped selling razors for buttons? Hold on, I’ll just check.
No. They haven’t.
Silly woman.
Just think of the next season of ICGMOOH. New meaning to Bush Tucker Trial ?
Having given this topic more thought I shall send my CV to the local council who are sure to create a job to regulate the appearance of the female genitalia.
Job Title?
Senior Vaginal Alteration Prevention Inspector
My team will be called the ” Snatch Squad”
Taxpayers Money used at council for fannying about should be business as usual.
‘Minge Unshaven Force’ ?
Feminists protesting against a woman’s right to make her own choices?
Quelle surprise!