You know where you are when Miss Piggy minces onto your plate encased in her own duodenum; but when the Blonde Mangalitsa arrives in a burger that you have been assured by the ‘highly respected’ BBC is 29% ‘My Lidl Pony’ your average Jihadist recoils in horror. There are some tenets of the Koran that simply can’t be broken; not when a government agency can be sued for damages.
The Islamic suicide bombers on ‘D’ wing are in uproar this morning; not only locked away from the 72 virgins they had been grooming, but fed ‘traces of pork DNA’ in their burger and chips by the infidel prison authorities.
When Shergar turned up in our burgers, Tesco’s was still flogging (a dead horse) a week or so later; the prison authorities have reacted with more alacrity. No sooner had the dawn broken over Wandsworth prison, than the Ministry of Justice’s contract with the firm supplying them with Halal meat was suspended.
Juliet Lyon, director of the Prison Reform Trust, said: “This lapse will have offended and distressed high numbers of Muslim prisoners and their families so apologising, suspending the supplier and investigating the incident are the right steps for the Ministry of Justice to take.”
I am puzzled as to how this ‘lapse’ was discovered, for the BBC web site says:
[...]the results of the tests, undertaken by an independent agency, became known on Thursday.
A spokesman said: “All prisons have been informed about this very regrettable incident and we reported this issue to the Food Standards Agency immediately.
Surely it is the Food Standards Agency which is the expert body to conduct these sort of tests? Anybody know who was the ‘independent agency’, and who was paying them to uncover this ‘scandal’?
I find it hard to believe that the Muppets at the cash strapped Ministry of Justice decided ‘out of the blue’ to check that those in its care (who had already broken a multitude of Koranic laws) were being fed in accordance with those beliefs?
I smell Porkies.
Ms Raccoon lives in the Monbazillac area of South West France, renowned for its fine wines and gourmet food, so she frequently finds better things to do than sit in front of a computer all morning. She is liable to take off traveling at a moment's notice. Consequently this blog only gets updated these days when it is raining - and it doesn't rain very often round here...
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It says ‘pork DNA’. Why assume that DNA comes from meat..?
*evil chuckle*
Gosh. Tell me they are sending you to smooth things over, Julia.
“You know where you are when Miss Piggy minces onto your plate encased in her own duodenum..” Applause.
An informative and fun breakfast in fact. Thanks Anna.
It sounds like they’ve got a Caliphate running in the prisons…
…With royal food tasters and all, can’t have that poison sullying our pristine flesh, can we?
The moral of this story is that law-abiding Muslims haven’t been affected.
And let’s not forget that’s the vast majority of them…
Stir-fry meals…..
Slick!
Quite right. The compensation band waggon will now start to rumble inexorably on…
Meanwhile, I really like Jamie Oliver’s recipe for “porchetta”, Italiam style roast pork with stuffing. The best hot pork roll I ever had was in Umbria, Italy, from a little van.
Just sayin’!
Agreed. Porchetta in large bread foldings nourished our children in adolescence (and us!) during our stays in our Umbrian casa colonica in the 70s and 80s.
Maybe, just maybe, the prison authorities are trying to get ahead of the game.
They know there’s a huge number of suppressed investigations into the grooming of vulnerable girls in predictable areas, cases which are only now being revealed, largely through internet scrutiny.
Once in the public domain, there will be no excuse for not prosecuting, thus large additional numbers of Muslim inmates can be expected to arrive in the near future. Hence, the prison authorites may have been merely ‘getting their ducks in a row’ (or non-pigs in this case) by ensuring that they are ready in a culinary sense to accept these mass, previously untouchable, criminals into their wings.
Or am I being too kind again ?
Don’t give them meat at all. Why should they not be given a vegetarian diet – plenty of rice and vegs. Reduces the libido too, I hear: so they can worry less about covering up their women to avoid temptation.
I think the extreme ‘not really muslims’ have an agenda to ‘tweak our tails’. They want us to fester over claims for benefits and compensation. They want us to fret over the authorities taking a huge amount of time and expense to get rid of plotting mullahs. They want to annoy pavement walkers if their skirt is a millimetre too short or the wrong colour lipstick or not waering ‘nun’s shoes’. They want our police to have to patrol to stop them accosting passersby. Fussy officials and the meeja combine to bring them the publicity they crave.
Wonderful.
Technology permits infinite pernickityness (?).
There will be a minimum level of contaminant defined somewhere.
If it is less than that, no legal problem.
Remember: if you are totally opposed to drugs, you can never risk touching a single banknote.
0.01 pork according to channel 4. And Mudplugger’s view seems spot on in that, this was the prison service managing risk: After the Tesco business there was a clear risk of claims from muslims and others, and the best defence against such claims is to show positive action has been taken to prevent ‘the harm’ claimed.
As someone who has, on occasion, ordererd a product withdrawal, I am afraid I need to disabuse you of one thing. Tesco would have ordered a national withdrawal as soon as they got the information. Product listings would have been checked, batches and supplier numbers (for those products produced by more than one supplier) listed out and the whole thing sent out to stores with instructions on storage and notification as fast as someone could type. The only hitch is that the physical withdrawal of products from shelves is effected by human beings and so errors are inevitable. Hence the reporter being able to buy the product. It’s a fun story for a reporter to run but completely meaningless.
Perhaps the reporter demanded that he be sold the product as he was partial to horse meat. OT, but once had it fed to me myself actually, and told about it only after I’d agreed it was a lovely dinner. One of our horses had dropped dead and been carted off by the knackers earlier in the day. Apparently the opportunity was taken to purchase a bit of meat. Even in these emotive circumstances I can’t say I was bothered. Just terribly surprised how tasty it was.
Apparently, horse-meat was eaten regularly in Yorkshire up until 1930, I learnt this morning. The idea that it is taboo in the UK is relatively recent.
Horse meat is eaten just about world wide. And very good it is, too. Much tastier than e.g. badger, hedgehog, and generally has had a long productive cared for life. I would be happy to be eaten at the end after such a life.
We still wait outside the gates to the Race Meetings; drooling at the prospect of a fence fall, Anna. Alan’s kind offer is welcome at a time when more folk should recognise the serious protein deficiency in our poor Northern diet.
I have taken the liberty of forwarding to you both, disclaimers and questionnaires re skin and tropical disease infections.
The other problem for a supermarket is when a customer picks up an item, wanders round the store, then sees a similar item on a different shelf. They tend to just pick up the new item & leave the old one in its (now wrong) place.
That’s how it can get ‘missed’ from a product recall.
Idea! Please the radical vegetarians by making all prisons veg-only. The choice about what you eat is what free people get. People in prison get what they are given, and providing that is nourishing and adequate, that’s OK by me. Innocent people temporarily in prison can apply for compo on the basis of their innocence rather than the lack of menu choices.
I know what you are thinking: flatulence. Idea! Power a windmill off it. I’ve not got all the technical details but I’m sure Chris Huhne can advise. In a perfect world he’d do this from a position of full turbine engagement but hey, you gotta be realistic. Also, there’s a danger of him powering his own escape like in a particularly duff James Bond movie. Hope everyone has got the popcorn in for Monday.
Only flaw is that, of course, you don’t even need a windmill to consume the flatulence, unless it’s a very strong output vent. Simply capture the methane, bottle it, then use that to fuel the boilers. A funnel arrangement in the ceiling of each cell could achieve the initial capture, collecting all the gaseous output in a large vessel in the roof, where it is compressed and bottled (after eliminating all the cannabis and heroin smoke of course, of which there is plenty inside).
The idea of Crim Huhne leading this project from inside has made my weekend.
Is “full turbine engagement” related to the Missionary Position, at all? Is this what Huhne practised with his mistress, or perhaps while driving with his (then) wife and thereby infringing several parts of the Highway Code simultaneously? Do you have the videos of this, and are they on YouTube?
As for the practice of pandering excessively to the dietary whims of any part of the prison population, it’s contemptible: I bet they eat better than we did at my boarding school, where it was de rigeur to smuggle the more revolting bits out in plastic bags and I would have felt very relieved to learn that the meat came from horses and not from some less eligible creature.
If Huhne stood up, he would probably fall over – just like the turbines.
If the frozen beefburgers are ‘contaminated’ with horse meat, would it be correct to assume that the frozen minced beef – from the same suppliers – is also ‘contaminated’? We should be told.
Right. Stick ‘em all on a complulsory vegan diet. That’ll eliminate any meat contamination problem, so they can’t possibly have any complaint.
Or even a ‘compulsory’ vegan diet. Damned keys keep moving on this keyboard…
It’ll also reduce the cost of their food, especially if they are set to work growing the vegetables where possible. Come to think of it, the justice system must have a load of confiscated hydroponics equipment it can’t sell on – why not put it to good use inside urban prisons to grow tomatoes, aubergines and the like?
Roll on the Hanging Gardens of Wormwood Scrubs!
Who says anyone has to eat ‘beefburgers’ anyway?. Even if you get your own mince, and do it yourself , the mince could still ‘not be all beef’. If you buy the real meat you have a better chance of deciding it is what it says on the label. As stated above, someone is mischief making somewhere. Prisoners jump on the bandwagon and perhaps or may claim compensation. They hold up the fingers to the rest of us who try to behave ourselves. I would guess DNA testing is so sensitive now that only a tiny bit of sneaky contamination is detectable. How would they ever stop such activity?????
“You asked me once, what was in Room 101. I told you that you knew the answer already. Everyone knows it. The thing that is in Room 101 is the worst thing in the world.”
In dealing with the Religion of Peace, the utter ruthlessness of which is/should be apparent, we should perhaps apply the methods of the Ministry of Love.
I’ve never understood why pig-shit has never been used as a weapon against these mediaeval monsters. It’s non lethal & we have an abundance of it…what could possibly be bad about that?
If I may be permitted a little recycling, this is from my own reaction to the original horseburger story on Jan 16th:
The horse-meat contamination is bad enough – not that I have a problem with people eating horses per se; I just think it’s vitally important that consumers can trust the information on food labels to be entirely accurate – but it’s the pig DNA [...] that is likely to have the more serious consequences.
[ ...] it’s worth remembering that one of the catalysts for the Indian Rebellion of 1857 is said to be a rumour that the new rifle cartridges (which the sepoys had to tear open with their teeth) were greased with pork and beef fat, and that this had been done with the tacit approval of a cynical government wanting to break down religious and tribal loyalties.
In the hands of would-be rabble-rousers, news like this could be a worryingly powerful tool.
We’re slowly being drip-fed a series of stories and articles to make us feel sorry for the poor muzzies. This week we’ve had the family ‘forced out’ of their home by ‘racists’, the bbc programme about the women who are becoming muslims, the ‘wear a hijab for a day’ day and now this. I don’t believe the latest one because if there had been pork in their food they would have loved it and would have shaved their beards off so that they didn’t get congealed with bacon fat.
Maybe we’re being softened up for the string of looming Muzzie trials for grooming vulnerable girls cross the land ? Nothing like a bit of advance media management.
There’s a smell about this story, and it isn’t bacon, Anna is right about the source and Martin has a point re the drip feed of these types of events.
Whats interesting is the one sided approach of Govt and media to these stories, we all like it or lump it consume halal meat, there would I assume be a large number of the population who object to eating meat slaughtered in this fashion, not only do they not get a say in what is on sale to them but it is not even labelled as such, if you go to a halal or kosher butcher you do it for a reason and you know what your buying, fine but to put it into the food chain unmarked and with no consultation with the still indigineous population is not only pandering to the minority for no good reason I can see but quite frankly taking the p—.
One noble MP (Philip Davies, Shipley) made a noisy stand in the Commons a few months ago in an attempt to get all Halal meat prominently labelled, but was roundly ignored by TPTB. Surprised ? At least one out of the 650 has the balls to raise the taboo topic.
How did the prisoners ‘know’ there was ‘Pork DNA’ in their food? Does it go through some kind of sophisticated lab down in the prison kitchens?
What’s the betting the ‘independent agency’ is some kind of advocacy group without a chemistry set to their name? Odds please.
When any person appears in before a Court, they should be ‘invited’ to state whether they wish to be tried under ‘Islamic Law’ and (if it is determined the have offended against the precepts of ‘Sharia’). be subject to the appropriate penalties, administered in an appropriate ‘Islamic’ Country.
I agree with Thor2Hammer and we can guess how very few (if any) would avail themselves of the offer!
Just wondering – how much halal meat finds its way into the mouths of unwitting infidels
We hear today that David Cameron is hosting a dinner at Chequers for the presidents of both Afghanistan and Pakistan.
Wonder if ’3663′ are supplying the pies…….
It might be that just a minute trace of piggie DNA might find its way into the soup or even the main course. Can you dipstick soup for DNA yet I wonder.
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