No sooner has the dust settled (depends on your definition of ‘settled’ of course) on the Gay Marriage discourse than we have a fresh outbreak of hysterical outrage. Dr Brett Mills of the University of East Anglia – which sought to challenge our ‘commonly held perceptions’ on climate change by fair means or foul – is out on the airwaves challenging other ‘commonly held perceptions’.
It is time for wildlife programmes to release their inner pink panther – wildlife documentary maker David Attenborough is in his cross-hairs for perpetuating the notion that the birds and the bees ‘are predominately heterosexual’…
Enough of this focus on evolutionary reproduction and Darwinism, we should be watching the Gay Gorillas on Bareback Mountain. Press the pink button on your handset for a full length report on the Pride march of the Longleat Lions.
‘I am the Horse that dare not speak its name’ (on the label). Equality for Equus caballus. You can Find us everywhere, is wearing a bit thin now.
‘Dr Brett Mills of the University of East Anglia says wildlife documentaries should be offering viewers a wider perspective on animal behaviour’. Researchers found BBC wildlife documentaries portray animals as heterosexual families too often, even though animals can also be gay.
Can it be true that the only reason we have not seen transgendered animals (snails anyone?) on screen is that the programme makers have been leant on by bible bashing homophobic water buffaloes?
Surely that dear old duffer, David Attenborough, also fails to deal with the male chauvinistic attitudes of some species, that perpetuate sexual stereotypes and even extend to rape? The feministas have missed a trick here.
Dr Brett Mills – From his University of East Anglia web site biography.
My teaching and research focuses on popular television forms. I’m especially interested in the sitcom, both historically and institutionally, as well as its national and international inflections. My other interests are the relationships between media/culture and identity, especially related to nation, region, and class.
Occupy your minds this morning thinking up some programme titles that suitably reflect mainstream homosexuality in the animal world. ’The world of the Gay Gnus’? ‘Come Prancing – the pink Flamingos’?
(There’s a limerick in there somewhere Mudplugger!)
*Yes, I do know that’s not how you spell Laffer curve.
Ms Raccoon lives in the Monbazillac area of South West France, renowned for its fine wines and gourmet food, so she frequently finds better things to do than sit in front of a computer all morning. She is liable to take off traveling at a moment's notice. Consequently this blog only gets updated these days when it is raining - and it doesn't rain very often round here...
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Animals can’t ‘be gay’, driven as they are by Darwinian impulses, individuals are soon weeded out as aberrations – is that really the message he wants to send?!?
Given that Dr. Mills is a senior lecturer in film and media studies, then we may safely assume, Julia, that he is probably unacquainted with such imperatives as scientific rigour, a characteristic clearly shared by so many of his colleagues.
As for gay wildlife; hmm. Some primates will hump anything (see Chris Huhne – or has he got a job as a dog-walker?) and indeed I once had the dubious pleasure of watching two monkeys ‘at it’. I was a captive audience, mind you, as they were on the bonnet of our car in a ‘monkey park’ in Malaya. Once they had finished, they had minutes of entertainment rearranging the windscreen wipers.
But I have yet to see evidence of queer Rhinos…
I have witnessed lesbian cows – one cow mounting the one in front, in the queue for the milking parlour. It all seemed a little perfunctory with minimal foreplay. I guess they were getting a little frisky . you know how those milking machines work….
I understand that an example of homosexual necrophilia has been observed in (at least one) male duck
Not that old canard again….!
I keep a few ducks. Wonderful animals to watch, and yes they are frequently and rampantly sexual, both genders mixing quite freely. We have a dyke duck, who is always mounting our other girl, who is quite to eager to display and dance for her, even though most of the time she is the boss of the roost. Now what they get out of this I have no idea, because drakes are singularly unusual in that they are one of the few birds to have a pen1s. And it’s huge. For your enlightenment, try Googling exploding + duck + pen1s.
There was an excellent Horizon documentary years ago on animal social behaviour. It went the whole range from rape to the deliberate adultery of the female sparrows in Cambridge botanical gardens. The trouble is, that not a lot of these behaviours are approved or desirable in human society.
Back when I was a kid and allowed to roam the streets – so were the dogs. It was always a source of great hilarity for us slugs-n-snails tykes to observe one dog mounted upon another dog dog, thrusting away like a good ‘un. It never occurred to me that they were gay – just that they wanted to mate with something….. I found as I grew older that my trouser leg would do just as well for the small ones. Bitch dogs had something my mother called “heat” and apparently if they were allowed out in this condition they would become puppified. The strange thing is that I only remember the tooled-up dogs humping one another in the street, so perhaps they were the gay ones. Presumably the lesbian dogs had to wait for their *heat* to combine before they could get it on. Woof Love is better than no love.
I suppose labels like ‘lesbian’ are an anthropomorphic step too far, but I once owned a bitch who was a constant source of social embarrassment because of her keen interest in certain other bitches, particularly the red setter from the next street. Still, I suppose it breaks the ice when you have to reassure the horror-stricken owner that the animal enthusiastically humping her pedigree bitch was highly unlikely to bring about a litter of mongrels.
I knew a cat, deceased now, whose special friend was a wellington boot. I think they buried him with it. It’s what he would have wanted.
As it’s the UoEA again, can we presume his data’s bent?
I must have been a slugs-n-snails tyke too. We thought it was odd yet also funny when one dog appeared towing another one in reverse. They never looked very happy. Never really did dare to get close enough in to see which bit had entered which bit or why what went in couldn’t come back out… if you know what I mean and if you’ll pardon the expression. All a shaggy-dog story I reckon.
OK, Anna, I fell for it…….
It’s ‘Gay Night’ on BBC1,
And the bum-fun’s just scarcely begun.
It’s all same-gendered fauna
All acting like porn, a
Rare sight on Page 3 of the Sun.
Nice one, Mudplugger!
I feel Dr Mills has rather missed the point…
When Attenborough speaks to the nation
He always includes procreation:
God’s creatures may be
L G B or T
But that won’t spawn the next generation.
Firstly, the University of Easy Access has a school of “Creative Writing”, which helps explain some of the fiction disseminated by their Climatic Research Unit and other Departments.
http://www.uea.ac.uk/literature/creative-writing
Secondly, ‘Dr Brett Mills of the University of East Anglia says wildlife documentaries should be offering viewers a wider perspective on animal behaviour’. So I await the day when Auntie Beeb broadcasts something along the lines of one of the similar-subject You-Tube clips such as:-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVE60zwXx1k
Rhetorical question – is it bestiality when one species other than man, sexually assaults a different species?
Fame is the spur!
Good old Dr Brett Mills has lost no time in coming out. But he’s prescient.
He has sniffed the wind and although his remarks appear silly now, there is no modern silliness that does not become orthodoxy a decade or two down the line.
He is cleverly anticipating the future when we will have mixed species marriages in church. First confined to heterosexuals so as not to frighten the horses (so to speak), then in the name of equality, to include gay animals as well.
Any vicar or registrar who refuses will be defrocked or whatever.
I’m sure the C of E will be able to come up with a new service for such a ceremony, Private Eye style.
Germany recently made bestiality illegal again I think, after legalising it back in the Sixties. Reactionaries.
Was there an epidemic of it?
was there???
entire krauts where at ‘it’
And who said that Roman emperor fellow was mad making his horse a senator?
At least he didn’t make it into a lasagne, like Emperor Findus.
The only surprise was that a Findus lasagne actually contained meat of any species.
Having tasted the ‘Quorn’ variety of lasagne, I am convinced I know where the horses harness went to.
that would be Findus eqcuisine then
Question – How do you know if your lasagne is undercooked?
Answer – It starts eating your carrots.
UniQuorn.
My most sincere apologies to any natives, but having spent a little time working in Norwich, I wonder if Dr Mills is influenced by the alleged local social habits? In which case, more to come.
Male giraffes have more sex with each other than the procreative kind. I found that out after watching a prolonged erotic bout which surprised me when I worked out the genital details but not the ranger who said thebfemalescwere only interested when fertile but the males were always up for it. I also remember the mutual devotion of a ram and an Alsatian dog, despite females of each species being around. They really seemed to prefer each other’s company even when unaroused.
Presumably most lionesses are the gay ones in the pride, since as I understand it there’s only one big male allowed, so little opportunity for manly pursuits of a different kind. Perhaps the giraffe thing is the result of males having to eat only vegetables….
How does one go about getting a ‘job’ like that? Geez, if I was him i’d keep my mouth shut and tell everyone I was a mortgage adviser, politician, pimp even than admit to that. Hey ho, none of my business, really.
It brings out the full flavour of beef mince – which with the current mixed up state of the meat rack could mean inter-species bestiality.
Horse mince – it puts the Butch in Butcher!
How funny! As a man who has given the nation cause for gaiety, so to speak, surely Dr Mills deserves praise?
It would be interesting to note whether David Attenborough has, during his 50 years of wildlife research, ever come across a male lion or gorilla buggering another one or not.
I know where by betting money is…
When Attenborough did his famous Gorillas in the Mist sequence, the BBC were very careful to point out that it was a female who showed great interest in him. Sounds like that was doubly lucky.
Interestingly enough, I read an article where local fishermen down in England somewhere complained that the fish were turning hermaphroditic. An investigation found that pollution of the water supply of mercury from a local factory was to blame. Even more interesting were the birds who fed on the offspring of Hermes and Aphrodite. The males had taken a fancy to one another along with the females. It therefore proves the case that the overwhelming majority of homosexuals today have been bio-engineered to be that way through food, water and vaccine tampering, most certainly while in the womb and the early stages of infanthood and growth development. As for those who haven’t been ‘tampered’ with chemically, studies show childhood abuse of some form or another. The bottom line is homosexuality is abnormal and completely unnatural when it comes to the survival of any species. And no, I have no irrational fear of homosexuals, thank you.
I should also have noted that the most obvious question asked is ‘why would people tamper with the sexual orientation of humans?’ Well, there are a few reasons, but the main one is the de-population agenda. The plan is to bring the world’s population to under 500 million. Yes that means the culling of some 93% of the human race. By creating homosexuals then you remove the desire of parenthood as well as the physical possibility of procreation. While some have started families the overwhelming majority seek a hedonistic lifestyle. Children impede on that way of life. You won’t bring the population down to under 500 million just through sexuality tampering. That’s why constant warfare is planned, poisoning of food and water supply, deadly vaccines and GMO’s, spraying of the skies, weather warfare through H.A.A.R.P. technology and making everyday life so costly couples resort to only one child if any. Then of course you’ve the continual promotion of feminism to destroy the family unit. Sorry for going a bit off topic, but the gay agenda is all part of a far more insidious plan, that many in society are unaware of.
Were the ancient Greeks early proponents of this, or were they just indulging in horse play?
The ancient Greeks were just sexual perverts, as were the Romans, Phoenecians etc etc. Homosexuality in ancient times was indulged in by the elites. As for the Spartans having sexual relations with one another, it was forced upon them by their commanders in order that they would fight better protecting their sexual partners. Regardless it was still a sexual perversion, as it is today and it also proved that it was a choice as when Spartans left the army they went back to their wives and raised/continued with their families. Homosexuality is and always will be immoral, abnormal and unnatural. Homosexuality is detrimental to species survival or do you disagree?
@ As for the Spartans having sexual relations with one another, it was forced upon them by their commanders in order that they would fight better protecting their sexual partners @
So far as I recall, one of the primary modern reasons given for not allowing female soldiers to fight on the front line was that soldiers would form romantic attachments, which would then affect effective military discipline, since in a battle situation the soldiers would be too busy looking afte one another to be properly focussed on obeying orders and killing the enemy. I’m also a bit dubious about the proposition that being ordered. under military duress, to engage in sex with the squaddie in the bed next to me, would somehow make me love him too. I suspect it would be more likely to make me go awol.
My father once told me a story of his National Service days and how his billet had a member who kept trying to get into someone elses bed at night. In due course they ganged up on him (not in a terribly violent way I should add, but more along the lines of one of those *initiation/mild humiliation* type of ceremonies) and made it plain that nobody else shared his proclivities and so he desisted. After that he continued to be part of their platoon and nobody bore a grudge on either side by my fathers account.
Moor,
The reason you give for problems of females joining the armed forces although certainly plausible is not the main one. There has been a recent drive to have women on the front line as opposed to driving and desk duties. America is going ahead with this which has been met with ridicule. A former female officer has come out stating the obvious that women are simply not able to keep up with the men and this puts people’s lives in danger. She also stated that because of this standards have been dropped in order for women to pass tests. The thought of a woman trying to fast march with a 115Ib bergen or hoisting a male soldier on her back in a fireman’s carry is laughable. Moreso women captured by the enemy would receive far more abuse than a male and they would easily be broken down by rape. Sexual harassment also seems to be a regular complaint also.
Going back to the Spartans, they were forced by their commanders to form sexual relations with their colleagues. As you know a homosexual remains homosexual all of their lives from young rent boys to old queens. Spartans upon leaving settled down with a female partner and raised families. This proves the sexual release they gained from one another was purely by choice and not nature.
@ As you know a homosexual remains homosexual all of their lives from young rent boys to old queens. @
I personally knew a guy who was totally normal, had a wife and children and he told me that he had never felt like he was “secret homo”; then, later he fell in love with a bloke and left his wife and children. I know he was very emotional about losing the normality for his children’s sake, but said he loved the guy, so what could he do….
Chris Huhne gave up his family (and career in the end) to co-habit with a woman who some years before had *married* another woman.
Did the Spartans perhaps merely tolerate homosexuality on the basis it did the blokes no harm in the end? …..
I find it difficult to believe the men were *forced* to take a partner, human beings don’t change that much and that wouldn’t really be tolerated in terms of men and women, outside of a cult at any rate.
‘…Researchers found BBC wildlife documentaries portray animals as heterosexual families too often, even though animals can also be gay’.
And their evidence for this is, exactly? Just because a boy dog ‘dry humps’ another boy dog does this mean that the dog is gay? Says who?? Perhaps the dog has adopted the ‘any port in a storm’ mentality. We know too little about the animal kingdom to establish this for a fact.
The rate things are going, being gay will be compulsory…
It’s a nonsense. There is no ‘Gay’ in animals. If anyone spent enough time working with livestock and wildlife they’d realise that the same sex ‘mounting’ display is more often about establishing dominance than sex alone. Usually among ‘beta’ males and females. Add to that, some creatures are so highly sexed when in season (or there aren’t any receptive femalies) it’s ‘any port in a storm’. No available girls around? – sorry Bob.
Is there a proper zoologist in the house?
And never forget the immortal Melville, whose masterpiece was supposed to be called Moby Arse.
I know it’s pretty weak/obvious, but when you examine the subliminal soap themes already extant, then little more needs to be said; Left+queer = a good, Christ-like figure. All others bad, unless the character happens to be from a religious minority (unless Mormon, which = funny) and not black (which = naive and stupid, translated as ‘conflicted’, or ‘confused’ or ‘angry’ Or all three. Oh, and they will never stab each other or use drugs. Slavery will appear somewhere, but not in the soap narrative, as this theme will emerge later in a quickly-commissioned drama documentary regarding, etc., etc., etc.)
This jerk is already singing to the pretty choir.
‘Dr’ Brett Mills, of Meeja Stdies fame, has rightly highlighted that Attenborough failed to out the full homosexual wonders of the animal kingdom. Take our Sydney silky terrier. She did munch rugs, but not metaphorically, that’s not what I am on about.
She was also into bestiality, she had a shoe fetish and the shameless harlot went around stark NAKED. She could also masturbate with her own tongue, and would do so in front of underage CHILDREN!
For all I know, ‘Dr’ Mills might well like the taste of a penis (he looks the type) but I think that we can safely say that this is a human aberration. For whilst we might see the odd dog cleaning his own genitals with his tongue (old joke time: because he can/ I wish I could do that – best give him a pat first) I have yet so see a male animal blowing another.. Even in some of my Dutch films, this method of pleasure takes part only between a human and an animal, I mean, who’s going to buy a donkey on donkey red hot gay action film apart from an ass trying to ensure that the meeja are on track with their animal sodomy quota and not being biased? On a personal note, were I a male donkey, I’d probably decline being on the bottom – if you get my drift.
No doubt ‘Dr’ Mills has his motives for criticising Attenborough for leaving out some Vegemite-drilling content. I suppose that if your life is as worthless as that of a meeja lecturer (wasn’t the 9K tuition fee meant to put a stop to this?) the lack of animal perversion on the BBC is a burning issue.
“…I have yet so see a male animal blowing another.”
Check out bonobos (what used to be called ‘Pygmy chimpanzees’). It’ll open your eyes.
I giggled it and I cannot stop laughing because the next ‘recommended’ clip involves a cat entertaining a labrador. I could do with a cat like that, if I could teach it to cook Mrs 20 would be out. It would also fix any mice problems.
I bow, Julia, to your superior knowledge of animal sexual perversion. Whether you put that on your CV or not is a matter entirely up to you
Well, if I could lick my own nuts, I probably would. The fact that I can’t does not compel me to find another bloke who would…
And dogs look at us and think ‘if only I could suck’.
It’s a talent wasted on them, I tell you.
But if you blew yourself, would you be a poofter? I know that St Ron could and did, but I’m not sure if he went all the way.
I regularly kiss ass at work. Doesn’t make me feel gay in the slightest.
Realising that most of the posts in this thread are satirical, I almost hesitate to turn serious for a moment, but here goes:
Why cannot homosexuality in the human species be presented as sui generis? (And no “sooooo-eeeee, pig” references please!) If all creatures have an “evolutionary strategy,” so to speak, why couldn’t it be a uniquely human adaptation, and one which, in small-enough scale, i.e., representing a minuscule percentage of humans, is an advantage in that, if you are a Malthusian population-growth-outstrips-sustainability-of-feeding-them type, it tends to hold that sort of geometric progression down, however mildly and short-term? Why does Homosexuality in the human species NEED to be justified or explained with reference to any other? I’m probably offending everybody by even posing these questions, inviting each agenda in their own way to take umbrage at me– but ask me if I really care.
Do I believe any of what I just proposed– maybe, maybe not, let’s see how it goes. All I’m saying is that old Atts need not stray too far from an Occam’s Razor explanation of why animals might be the way they are, and humans the way we are, in any presentation of wildlife on TV, and Prof Mills may need to recalibrate his attacks upon the old man.
“……homosexuality in the human species ……… representing a minuscule percentage of humans……”
Surely not? Boy Dave wouldn’t have gone to so much trouble to allow them to “marry”, if there’d only be a few votes to gain.
On the same serious note, initial research has shown a possible gene that may make people more attracted to men. When this gene is expressed in women they have more babies. When expressed in men they are gay. Therefore a gene that ptogrammes for homosexuality might enhance human reproductive success.
As a corrollary, men who like their heterosexual relationships to have a physical content that is above average might be well
-advised to seek women from families containing homosexual men.
It is possible that among animals of the same species it is more of a dominance thing – “gonna make you my bitch”
Although one day during lunch at a local pub, I had let my (entire, quite dominant, male) dog loose in the garden. A few minutes later there was quite a kerfuffle outside and the pubs male vietnamese pot bellied pig was rather vigourously rogering my unfortunate dog. He then climed down and trotted off. The dog was seemingly none the worse for the experience, apart from being a bit quiet for a few days, and was markedly reluctant to go back to the particular hostelry.
Perhaps the immortal Georges Brassens can shed some light on this subject – (Jake Thackery interpretation)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQm_8uoljWM
Good God!
Divine. Superb! Full marks.
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