December 2009

NostraRaccoonius – New Year Predictions.

December 31, 2009

Living within walls erected in the 12th century by the Knight’s Templars has added benefits, not always appreciated by M. Le Plumber whose job it is to drill holes for new fangled central heating through these ancient ramparts. They imbue a sense of impregnability, omnipotence, omniscience, and a desire to continue the mighty works of [...]

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Bagging a bargain

December 31, 2009

I went shopping today. This is never a pleasant experience, but needs must and I didn’t stock up for a nuclear winter before Christmas. Since the car park at the local J. Sainsbury was full, I ambled round to the Waitrose. It’s always curious shopping there, because I never feel like I need to get [...]

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David Miliband and the Banana of Stupidity

December 30, 2009

In what I can only assume is an attempt to boost his profile for a forthcoming leadership contest, the man most famous for advertising bananas has decided to take us to war, not with one country, but with two! Not content with getting Iran to threaten to punch us in the mouth, he’s now gone [...]

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Pride and Prejudice

December 30, 2009

The utter hypocrisy of this quote caught my eye. “Yvette and I are married. I personally think it is better but I certainly would not say that to other people.” Coming as it did from one of the main protagonists of the Nanny ‘we know what is best for you’ State, it had me awake [...]

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Ward’s 2009 concise dictionary of new meanings

December 29, 2009

Intelligence – something stupid and inaccurate you leave on a train Tough decisions – compromises made when spin is no longer an option Asylum seekers – UK emigrants rendered unhinged by incompetent arrogance Sexual abuse – someone you don’t fancy asking you for a date Menopause – Jordan holidaying in a nunnery Goldman Sachs – [...]

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The Feline Lord

December 29, 2009

It is said that once you let a cat into your house, it is no longer your home, the feline ingratiate will assert total control over you and yours. Haughty and elegant, they owe allegiance to no man, but bestow their favours according to their inner need. As they slink from lap to lap, kneading [...]

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Why won’t you little bastards grow up?

December 28, 2009

It seems that the other Rowan has been delivering another sermon: Children are being forced to grow up too quickly in a culture that refuses to recognise that human beings are naturally dependent on one another, the Archbishop of Canterbury warned yesterday. Dr Rowan Williams condemned the pressure on children to become “active little consumers [...]

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