March 2009

First they came for the lentil munchers…….

March 31, 2009

The UK Government is using a top-secret computer system – tied into the airlines’ ticketing network – which makes judgments about travel habits and passengers’ friends and family to decide if they are a security risk. All the information passengers give to travel agents, including home addresses, telephone numbers, email addresses, passport details and the [...]

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Jump – it’s safer!

March 31, 2009

New firefighter uniforms, which include the option of a full-length skirt, hijab headscarf and a turban, have been launched. As well as being designed to reflect religious and cultural sensitivities, the new range also includes maternity and sportswear as well as more formal uniforms for fire-safety visits. Asian Fire Service Association spokesman Jagtar Singh said: [...]

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My Right Dishonourable Friend………

March 31, 2009

Police were forced to use CS Gas last night to break up a debate started behind the Speaker’s Chair in the House of Commons. Conservative Party Chairman Eric Pickles was hosting a drinks party in the shadow cabinet room, during the Commons debate on Africa. Three journalists who had attended the party had begun scuffling [...]

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Paying Tithes on the EU Harvest.

March 31, 2009

Eight years ago, the Mayor charged with the well being of 1,500 peasants living in the windswept and barren hillside of La Muela discovered a new cash crop. Each seedling was capable of producing £3,000 a year, for the landowner, and almost a million pounds a year for the community as a whole. The Mayor [...]

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Hold the presses – investigative journalism is not dead!

March 30, 2009

Many readers have turned away from newspapers towards the Internet, the Internet in turn has spawned a reversal of the accepted procedure whereby news filtered from those in the centre of power outwards to the oppressed masses - the news has started coming inwards to the main stream media; independent bloggers reporting on items of local [...]

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Our Puny ‘Global Messiah’ is outclassed, outgunned, outmanoeuvred.

March 30, 2009

Tomorrow morning the behemoth arrives. A Boeing 747 touches down at Stanstead airport carrying 200 secret service men, the codes to launch world nuclear Armageddon, a full scale field hospital, a wife, to save on pay per view costs, a full kitchen staff to save the wife from cooking, a titanium ‘mobile panic room’ complete [...]

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White-Skinned Blue-Eyed Drug-Takers To Stimulate Economy

March 29, 2009

The Brazilian President Lula da Silva speaking at a Press conference this week has blamed the current global economic crisis on ‘the irrational behaviour of white-skinned people with blue eyes’. This would appear to count Gordon Brown out. Or does it? What of the brown-eyed long-standing friend of all bankers Gordon Brown? Da Silva points [...]

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